YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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