Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize