He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
