you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So apparently I’m into choking now
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