I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
