I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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