we're chasing vodka with high fives
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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