just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
