You're so nebulous sometimes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
