dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
