is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
