So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
