she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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