Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I just sharted jello shots
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