This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize