Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize