I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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