Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
