He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
