At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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