gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
