Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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