Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
