feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
