you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
