Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Randomize
