You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
