You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
