just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
