help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
