After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize