You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
