I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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