It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
