First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize