That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
