I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the liver wants what the liver wants
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
