just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
