She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
