yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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