so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
