living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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