wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize