dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
