I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
