The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
