Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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