i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
