So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
