Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
