She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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