the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize