thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
