i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
