You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
