Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
