he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dear god my vagina.
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