i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
