dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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