was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
