he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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