Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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