I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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