If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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