Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
