She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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