Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
