At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize