If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
